Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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