Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
