remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
