I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
