Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
