do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
