brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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