Say something about gay babies.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
