It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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