i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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