He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's never too late to be topless.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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