that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
