Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
