if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
