So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
