Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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