I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
