My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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