he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
