This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
