Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
