3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
