Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
