There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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