you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
