Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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