No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I can text with my tongue
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
