once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
