It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
