Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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