woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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