I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
