atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
