so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
