My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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