I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
