you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
