help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
