everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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