If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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