I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
