I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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