No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
