so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
