dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
