Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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