I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
