What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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