Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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