He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He did a backflip because drugs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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