my phone needs a breathalizer
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
