we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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