Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
