I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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