we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
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"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
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I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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