home. puking in laundry basket.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
