I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
only if we run a train.
done.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
