i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
