I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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