Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
