Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
