She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
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Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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