he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
