I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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