I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
