I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
