I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
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